Overcoming My Idol

My biggest struggle is acceptance. I love to be liked. I love to have friends and family who love me back. I love to be the center of conversation. I love to be the one that everyone loves. I have loved this love of like more than God, and that is my sin. Of course, with this sin came my other crowning sin, pride. I was proud of my Christian walk. I have never smoked a cigarette or drunk a beer. I never touched drugs and curses never flew from my mouth. I was proud of my “success” as a Christian. Yet I was sinner through and through. My life was based on acceptance. I would sometimes do my devotions purely so I could tell people I had done my devotions. I would sometimes tell jokes to friends that I knew I shouldn’t have for laughter. It is so funny how we chastise bible characters like Esau for doing something so stupid as selling his birthright for a bowl of soup, then we turn around and do the same thing. I would sell my birthright for a laugh. In fact, I would sell more, my very soul. Praise God he has redeemed and saved me from such a worthless trade. I now realize how foolish I was (and still am). I used God to feed my pride and need of acceptance. I turned the best good the world has ever known into an avenue to gain popularity and privilege. Jesus pinned me in Matthew 23:25: “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean”. Francis Chan once said to his church: “God doesn’t want you hear singing ‘hallelujah’ if your life screams ‘crucify him!’”. I was a Pharisee. My cup was clean as could be on the outside, but filthy inside. I sang loud and well “Hallelujah!” on Sunday, yet deep in my heart I yelled “Crucify Him!”. Yet God forgives; even such evil as I have done. Finally broken by God, I laid all my life bare before Him (as if it all was not already). I surrendered everything. I prayed for the Holy Spirit’s help with my addiction to pride and people pleasing. I had to give up my ambition, my strength, and all the wisdom I thought I have. It was all God’s. I prayed that He might take my life and do with it what He will. Like the song says, I got to the point where it was well with my soul. Everything God could will was well with my soul. Whether I pastored a church of 40,000 or 4. Whether I married a beautiful wife or lived alone. Whether I was hated or loved. I realized God was the only one I needed to please. God is the only thing I must have pride in (Jer 9:23-24). I deny life that I may gain real life (Matt 16:25).
Let me be clear, I have not conquered my sin; yet with God’s help I am improving. I struggle daily with the reasons I do the things I do. Also, realize that I did not begin improving by praying and then going back to what I was doing before. One of my favorite verses is Exodus 14:15. The Israelites are trapped by the Red Sea and cry out to God, and He says to Moses “Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites to move on.” The Israelites knew God’s promises, they saw His power in Egypt with the plagues. They should have had hope and faith in God, prayed to Him for help, then moved on. We have God on our side, why are we afraid to do anything? Of course, God doesn’t need our help, but He wants us to truly love Him, so he gives us choices to make. In fact, trials and temptations are suppose to create perseverance in us (James 1:2-8).
So what did I do specifically to “move on”? I have to always ask myself if my reasons for doing anything is for man or God. Even while writing this article I asked God if I am writing this so others will think better of me, or if I am writing so others may avoid my mistakes. I don’t volunteer to pray aloud as much as I used to; to avoid the temptations of “babbling like the pagans” or praying “to be seen by men” (Matt 6:5-8). When I sing praises to God I do so softly, or sometimes don’t even sing, but listen to those around me, or pray. So that no one can praise my voice, for it does not deserve to be praised. I don’t raise my hands or kneel, so I do not draw anyone’s attention to myself. I praise my God silently. In theological discussions I listen more than I speak (although there is always a time to speak). I don’t ask questions I know the answers to. I have devotions in secret, so no one will find me. And I do not hope that someone finds me while in my quiet time with my Savior. Don’t misunderstand me, most of these things are not evil, it is simply that I have found that in my life these restrictions help me avoid temptation.
What are your struggles? What do you put above God? What can you do to truly put those idols behind you? Identifying your idol is the hardest part. Once you know your enemy, attack it. Take it fully from your life if you can, run like Joseph ran from Potiphar’s wife. Pray to God for help, He is faithful and will always give you a way out of your temptation (1 Cor 10:13). With God’s help, you can do it. You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength (Phil 4:13). You are never lost to God; He can bring you back from your sin. “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (Matt 19:26) Give up your life, that you might gain real life!