Surrender

Lately I have had trouble singing in church without tears coming to my eyes. I know it sounds like I’m trying to be the “most spiritual”, being touched in a more sincere way than everyone else, but I’m not doing it for the gold metal in most sincere worship. The crux of the matter is simply that the words of these songs have taken on new meaning. I used to enjoy the music for it’s style and beat, but now I love it on a much deeper level. When an entire congregation sings the words “It is well with my soul”, and mean it, something unexplainable happens. Surrender. Together we cry out to God that we are helpless without Him and together throw our lives at His feet. Our hearts give up their futile struggle for joy apart from the all-loving God and beg Jesus for purpose. So when we sing “It is well with my soul” it is not a worthless verse put to music, but a joyous appreciation that God can do anything in our lives and we will hang on to this promise Jesus has given us. When we sing “Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee. How great Thou art!” we are not harmonizing to show our vocal range to the person in front of us, but acknowledging God as the amazing, loving, powerful and fearful God that He is. When I think of these emotions I just cry; softly and quietly so as not to disturb that beautiful song. Tears of joy and amazement, that I have received this gift which I oh so mightily do not deserve. Why it has taken me 18 years to understand worship I do not know, but now that I understand I can never enter into musical praise the same way again. I no longer sing, but simply surrender.